after the storm comes the rainbow...right?

obsessed...

an incredibly good book is hard to beat out. i've always enjoyed reading, getting into a story. perhaps this is a reason i've aspired to be an author...when i was younger :)

it's hard to get the same effect in a movie, regardless of how accurate it is and how hard the producers try. why? because a book's biggest allure is in using your imagination to create the images you read from the pages. and who doesn't like letting her imagination run wild?

i tend to be a bit, uhh, "nerdy" when it comes to books. and sometimes, i get a little too obsessed with them. take harry potter, for example. i became one with that book. i felt all the emotions the characters felt, my heart pounded as my eyes would skim through the pages, anxious to see what happens next. but that's what is so magical about a book. it lets the reader get lost in its world, allows the imagination to run rampant, and becomes an escape.

...which leads to the point of this entry :) 

this book is my latest obsession, and must-read. i was a bit skeptical at first, mostly because the person who referred me to it was my sister. and honestly, i didn't think my sister read. i was shocked to find out that she actually makes purchases at barnes & nobles...and actually spends money. on books!! i really hadn't the slightest clue! but anyhow, i relented, and i'm super glad i did.

i have to admit, i'm not a sucker for biographies, historical novels, nonfiction (well...maybe minus books like The Devil in the White City. that was pretty frickin amazing). most other books, i'll give it a try. i love love LOVE easy reads, pleasurable "beach reads." and this book qualifies as one of these.

meyer does a wonderful job of creating suspense, and making the reader feel all the emotions of the characters, bella, the main character, and edward, her love. ridiculous as it may sound, my heart actually hurts when i think of the two of them. and they're fictional characters!!

anyhow, i won't elaborate on the plot, i don't want to give it away. but it is simply amazinggggg. i'm on book two now, and i couldn't put it down...even when the boyfriend called :p

alright. enough raving. i must get back to the book now :)

i miss london :(

control freak?

ok, this is seriously ridiculous. i'm so angry and frustrated that i feel like my head's going to explode, or pop off and ricochet into the distance. actually, that would be preferable compared to this craziness going on inside of my head.

i really don't get it. i don't. things never go the way they should, or that i hope or intend them to go. and this seriously pisses the crap out of me. besides, who wouldn't be so pissed off if things didn't work out for them? but sometimes, it gets ridiculous how badly things don't work out. kind of how i'm feeling right now.

plans. i can make plans, i can sit here and make plans all i fucking want, and they're never going to happen the way i want it to. and it bothers me that i can't control it. i mean, who can? nobody. but once in awhile, every so often, it'd be nice if things just panned out the way i wanted them to. just so i don't have to go through this crap in my head and have to stress and be pissed off about things. it really sucks.

am i being irrational here? i mean, i'm not even asking for it all the time, i'm just saying every so often, especially when things are this complicated and this freaking complex, that it would work out ok so that things go smoothly, that there are no bumps along the road. and i swear i would be more sane, and my sanity would be more in tact.

but at the rate thing are going, i don't think this is going to happen. this effing blows. fuck.

hooo boy...

it's going to be one of those days again. i feel it already.

i don't know if it's the PMS getting to me, or if i'm just being extra pissy and snarky today. whatever it is, it's got to stop. i think i'm starting to piss off the people around me.

but honestly, whenever i start PMSing, i feel like everyone else around me becomes extra sensitive and pissy also. maybe it's one of those contagious things...or maybe i'm just interpreting everyone's actions the wrong way. whatever it is, it's seriously the sucks.

today, the little things are getting to me. things that wouldn't piss me off normally, maybe. actually, some things probably would. so i think i'm going to just spill everything that's on my mind right now.

first off, YOU. when i say i want to hang out with you, it usually means only with you. yeah, just the two of us. i hate that every time i suggest this and it happens, and i'm excited about seeing you, it ends up becoming a group thing. pretty effing ridiculous if you ask me.

next, my parents need to chill the eff out. and let me be. sometimes, they're so up in my business i just want to rip my hair out. granted, i'm probably going to be thanking them later in life for caring, but right now, i just need my space. please, let me breathe.

i hate that simple things become so complicated when they don't need to. UGH

fatigued.

i'm tired. yeah, physically tired also, mostly because i woke up at 5 and lay in bed for 20 minutes wondering if i should get up. i did eventually, but i was still too late to make it to the news show, so i'm sitting in the library wasting time. the drive home is too long.

but i'm more tired emotionally and mentally. school's (is that spelled correctly? why does that look funny outta nowhere?) over in about 2 weeks, and i really don't care anymore. i feel like this is a period in my life where i just want to hit fast forward until the next chapter of my life. seriously, this has been dragging on for way, way too long. i'm ready to be done with school, ready to graduate, and ready to move on. i'm sick of slacking.

i'm also tired spiritually. it's been the longest roller coaster ride ever, and lately i've been questioning everything about my faith. sure, i've tricked myself into thinking that everything is ok, that i'm ok with God, and my faith is strong enough. but what if it's not? it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that God's there, to let everything go and put it into His hands. i dunno why. maybe i'm getting greedy and selfish and liking everything i have, although that doesn't sound right to me. maybe i've become too reliant on myself to make everything happen, i don't know. i went to a retreat this past weekend, and come back with too many thoughts. the one that keeps bothering me is letting go, to surrender things to him. why does this scare me to death, and leave me feeling anxious and freaked out?

i hate uncertainty, i hate when things don't work out the way i want them to. so maybe that's why everything is happening in this way, so i can learn more about patience and coping when things don't seem so stable. i'm so frustrated lately. i just want to curl up in a corner of my room and bawl until my head feels like it'll explode. and this time, i'm sure it's not PMS.

maybe it'll be better within the next two weeks. i think if i can make it past then, i'll be ok. but i know for sure, it's gonna feel like hell until it passes. so good luck to myself until then.

recap

ok. so i had some unique experiences today, so i thought i'd share.

jackie and i got bored, and we both didn't have class, so we decided to walk to burger house to get shakes. on the way there, i saw a supercuts, and as we were passing by, got this sudden, irresistable urge to get a haircut. so acting on impulse, we walk in and set up appointments for trims. yay. we then proceed to burger house to pick up awesome shakes, and jackie gets amazing cheese fries...must go back for some of those when i'm hungry.

we make it back to supercuts, and i'm first so i sit in my chair. the hairstylist asks me to take off my glasses, so i'm pretty much blind as she works on my hair. after she's done, she says, "like it?" so i put on my glasses...and hate it. it's not terrible, it was simply a relayering job. but it looks so...drab. i guess i really miss jesse's haircuts :\ i may have to find someone to touch it up for me. so lesson number 1: don't do impulsive haircuts from someone you don't know. switching hairstylists is like sleeping with another person...it just freaks you out and doesn't work.

i'm also sick. which means i was pretty drugged up earlier today. it's actually a weird, good feeling...i felt detached from my body, and kinda like i was travelling above it. i still feel that way, and the drugs have worn off. :)

thenn...in my investigative reporting class, i get my second draft back, and i look at the last page with my professor's comments...and i swear, my heart dropped to the ground. i had accidentally sent him the wrong draft, so he got the unfinished, rambling, full of thoughts and fragments one. so after class, i went up and told him so, and he replied with a "well, fucking thank goodness." then went on to say that school's need punishment for this reason, pounding his podium for emphasis. we ended the conversation with him asking me if i take a lot of drugs. and since i did today, i replied with a "sure do!"

this is really long. and my head's swirling again...and i'm not even drugged up. i hope this sickness thing goes away soon, it's really not much fun.